In relationships, when you are trying to recover and heal, the pain is real. Opening yourself up to pain can have good and lasting effects. My husband always said, “Look at the fruit”. I ‘m glad to say that the fruit of my apology to my daughter has been awesome. Even though she and I suffered a deep hurt, we are bouncing back with a vengeance.
My daughter and I talked again last week. She was on her way to school. I told her about the article, and she brightened up and said “Oh yeah? Look at you!”, in the way she often does like she’s the parent teaching the child. She seemed as happy for me getting that off my chest as I was, about her forgiving me.
I noticed something, and it was a big something. The tension between us was gone. That unsaid weight that can hang over a relationship. She accepted me and I accepted her. She understood me, and I understood her. Between us had stood an invisible wall that we laughed around, had dinner around, shopped around, and played around, but it stood there, unmoving, solid and stoic. I had tried to tear it down many years ago, but so many bricks had been laid, some of which I had no idea how they got there. While I was laboring for God, it was like someone came in the middle of the night and had created a whole house around us and rooms in between. I had to go and find out what room my daughter was in. Not an easy task.
It hurt me that I had let that happen. I am not a person that often cares what people think of me, if I believe in what I am doing or hey, just don’t want to do it. But in this circle, in this realm of religion, it seemed I was weak. When I was not a Christian, I could be in a room full of people smoking weed and if I didn’t want to do any, I could stand my ground. Back then, it wasn’t really on any moral ground. I just wasn’t interested. Now why, when it came to religion did I crumble to other peoples’ opinion of my child? Why couldn’t I just stay focused on what God was telling me as an individual?
I beat myself up about that but only for a “minute” though, because I know that it doesn’t do any good.
I know that when a woman wants to shed the past and make changes, so many times, we go for our hair. My daughter had been talking about cutting her hair for a while, not just for style, but mostly because she wanted to re-grow her hair and start over. She’s in beauty school, so her teacher fixed her up and she has suuuper-short hair now. Her teacher said, “Girl, you’ve got to have confidence to wear your hair like that!” Now, some people may not look well on that, but I see past the outward of what she did.
She has confidence.
When she first came by the house, she’d did a self-cut.
I said, “oh wow, I wasn’t expecting that but you should get your teacher to line it up right and smooth out the look”.
I told her how pretty she was. She’s grown, she can do what she wants.
She has a beautiful face, so there’s nothing she could do that would detract from that. I wasn’t going to say anything negative after our bond had been restored, nor did I feel compelled to.
The first place you learn how valuable or special you are is at home, from your parents. If that not given, it’s hard to have good self-esteem.
I have seen her confidence in herself blossom, and that’s what’s important.
When an apology from the heart is given, healing on both sides can come quickly.