Looking Deeper

I thanked God for finding my soul mate; something that would not have happened if we had listened to people. Sometimes looking deeper than the surface can bring out gold.

When I woke up Sunday morning, during my prayer time and  I began to thank God for my husband.  It had been a rough week emotionally.  Him, with his business and me fighting off some disappointments.  In both cases, we were focusing on the wrong thing and needed the other’s help to shift in the right direction.  As I sat there, I thanked God for putting us together and finding my soul mate; something that would not have happened if we had listened to people.

Sometimes looking deeper than the surface can bring out gold.

On both sides of the 1 + 1 =2MILTONS equation, we had people who questioned why were dating.  Some of his friends were quizzical of our involvement.  Members of his family didn’t seem to like me, although they knew very little about me because unfounded rumors circulated, some very mean ones and some of my family members were skeptical of him because we had not known each other very long.  My father was convinced that my husband was after his money.  A funny thought since my dad, in spite of the cars he drove and the lovely house, actually was in deep debt.  There were people with good intentions that would look at me very concerned and say “are you sure?”

All of this brouhaha was primarily because of one thing:  We seemed to be opposites.

My husband was a life of the party type of guy.  He could talk just as easily to men as women and had both as good friends.  He was extremely comical, handsome, popular and charming.  I, on the other hand, was the poster child for a bookish nerd.  I wore glasses, my clothes were not the most fashionable, and I was quiet, and just smiled a lot.   Total opposites.  So I can’t fault people for looking on the surface. It was as if the high school jock decided he was going to marry the class valedictorian who looked like a librarian.  We used to laugh about this because at 26 and 27, high school had long been over and there was more to us than that, but people were just going by appearances

For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I Sam 16:7 (NKJV)

As it turned out, my husband and I are perfect for each other.  If EHarmony or Christian Mingle had existed, we would probably be dating. We had similar interest and goals.  He loved books, art, plays and learning new things. He loved intelligent women and was not threatened by them, and I had just the shape he liked. He didn’t like skinny girls.   I enjoyed laughing and playing around, acting goofy.  I loved men that were secure in themselves.   I liked guys who could hold an interesting conversation and could talk intelligently about things that I had not read. I loved that he could quote books as much as Bible verses.  I loved talking politics and analyzing world event, and so did he.  I liked men that were thoughtful of other people and not stuck on themselves.

It’s All in How You See Yourself

Mostly, he and I needed each other in so many ways and still do.

The only person that knows what clicks with you is you and God.  People often operate from the only place they can—the outside.  I am not saying don’t listen to sound advice or shut out people that may have something valuable to say.  You can be so crazy in love that you may not see something, but they could also be completely wrong with their opinion and the only person that can decide that is you.

When my husband and I have counseled and taught on relationships and marriage we always seem to get to this sentence:

“Be careful not to allow other people in the middle of your relationship.”  That goes for dating and especially marriage. Talk directly with the person you intend to live with, not through pastors, ministers, friends, relatives.  Counselors are just there to give road maps and refreshments along the way, not to make decisions for you.

My parents, even though they knew me well, did not know EVERYTHING about me because I didn’t tell them EVERYTHING. No child does. So relatives, in giving advice are operating from a slight deficit, one that does not exist with God.

No one can decide who is best for you, but you and some good ‘ol prayer sessions.

If we had listened to all those people, many of whom loved us dearly, we would have missed our blessing and nearly 28 years of marital bliss. My husband will soon finish up his coursework in Relationship Coaching, something he has already been doing for years.

I could not have picked a better man, and I am blessed.


  1. When faced with important life decisions, what is your first thought?  Pray? Talk to your best friends or your family?  Who is the center of your counsel?
  2. There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless the Lord’s counsel—that will stand Proverbs 19:21.
  3. The scripture often speaks of a “multitude of counsel.”  Does this mean you should seek advice from a lot of sources?  After you get advice, do you take the important step of praying on that advice?

Author: Renee

I am an author and a retired minister. My passion is helping others find their sense of self and identity after so many years of losing my own. So often we go to church and are still not aware of our disconnection with our true selves. The person inside that God deeply values. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and have 3 children. I love gourmet cooking, swimming, all kinds of music, and political and religious discussion- the two things my mom said never to talk about at the dinner table.

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