It’s Between You and God

God held me when I cried and struggled –He understood why.

I gave my life to God with joy and He understood.

I joined a church that seemed filled with love I had never experienced; people that paid attention to you — God took me from an agnostic to a true believer.  God knew what I needed.

God Loves youI lived and believed their doctrine and rules—God understood why.

I got married and raised my children under their strict teaching — and God knew why.

God called me to teach and preach under their banner –and He knew why.

Then one day, I realized the deep flaws in my church, it’s ways of teaching, and the hypocrisy in the way it was held –God understood that and I didn’t.

I was so blinded to these things for so many years —  God knew why.

One day, I had enough.  I asked my Pastor for a sabbatical – -God understood why.

I stopped my church activities, preaching, and positions and struggled with things we were teaching and holding people to live, I ask questions but got no response — God showed me why.

God held me when I cried and struggled –He understood.

jesus lovesI left my beloved church – God knew why.

For a while, after I left, I was just tired of religion and church after 30 years of being the “perfect” Christian –and God understood why.

For a while, I couldn’t bear committing to a church.  I would simply visit, enjoy fellowship, and go home — and God understood why.

I didn’t trust organized religion — and God understood why.

I didn’t trust myself that I would go too far with religion again  – and God understood why.

I was angry at myself, angry at God for not showing me sooner, and angry at lost time – and God understood.

I didn’t feel much like reading my Bible or praying—and God understood.

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The idea of starting a Bible study or recovery group was there and it sounded good, but I wasn’t emotionally ready for that.   God knew that.

I still had a lot to learn– about me — and God knew it.

God has brought me back full circle and ignited my love for him again and showed me how to approach him– the right way this time–He understood when.

He waited on me to recover and re-gain my bearings – He understood how.

God has kept me in love with Him; I’m a real person, a valuable person,  with the heart of a healer, and a wiser person; He showed me who I was and where I’ve been, deepened my relationships, given me true friends and a new zest for life and hope for the future.

He loves me and He understands the whys.

 

 

 

Author: Renee

I am an author, spiritual counselor, minister, and Bible teacher. My passion since going through my own battles with spiritual abuse and self-reflection is spiritual awareness. So often we go to church and are still not aware of our disconnection with our true selves. The person inside that God deeply values. My husband and I have been married for over 30 years and have 3 children. I love gourmet cooking, swimming, all kinds of music and political and religious discussion- the two things my mom said never to talk about at the dinner table.

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