My Letter To God

Dear God,

I’m grateful for the life I have now. This one life you’ve given me. Since I handed my life over to you, it has not been easy. I feel peaceful this morning though. Leaving my beloved church behind has been enlightening. I lived that way for 35 years because I believed with all my heart that there was no other way to live but our way, but you showed me the fallacy of that thinking.

Continue reading “My Letter To God”

Changing Habits-It’s Tough

fruits and vegs

There’s one thing difficult about changing habits. Ugh! It’s the fact that they are HABITS. Things that are so deeply ingrained in our psyche and existence that they become second nature. I almost think that if I don’t continue my daily patterns of behavior, something is terribly wrong. Like the way I plop down on the couch when I come home and immediately get a plate of food and watch something. It’s my way of relaxing don’t judge. If anyone tries to break this routine, I immediately go into a defensive mode. “Wait until I eat dinner”, “I just got home”. Internally I am truly upset with them for daring to ask me to do anything other than the usual. It’s a horrible habit though. The routine is: girdle off, plate of food and the sofa.

My family laughs at me because this is such a routine that half the time the next morning I have no idea where anything is. I zone out after work.

I have deceived myself over the years into believing I’m really resting by doing this but I’m not. There’s a difference between just sitting and relaxing because I’m thinking about things I have to do–the other bad habit —overthinking.

New Habits

I’ve been changing my health habits and its been tough. One of my biggest problems in losing weight has been my ridiculous, helter skelter schedule and lack of organization in my eating. I never plan what I’m eating the next day. Sometimes breakfast, sometimes none. Maybe lunch or fast food and then dinner–glorious dinner, the golden calf of my day. I come home, sit and eat. Not a health based routine at all. My therapist recently did hypnotherapy with me and we discovered this complete disconnection I have with my body. We already uncovered my reasons for overeating and it had with the violence in my home growing up. It had become by coping mechanism for stress.

So I am trying to listen to and stay connected with my body now.

It’s telling me to get moving.

giphy exercise

So sorry body I treated you so badly all these years.

I’ve stopped the habit of coming home and plopping on the couch and eating the evening away. I’ve made dinner shorter and I make myself get up and do something else before bed.

That part. Really hard. Me no want to move.

couch potato

One of my friends has been into running. She’s so inspiring. I figured if she can have a great exercise habit, then I can give myself the same new habit. So for the last month or two I’ve been swimming at least 3-4 days per week (even after work sometimes), taking stairs and increasing my walking. My doctor was elated. Without medication mind you (because it kept making me sick), my A1C dropped almost 1.5 points. He’s trying to find a substitute drug to help me lower it even more. Hopefully I may not even need it by the time I finish making changes to my eating habits. If God gave me the good sense to eat right and exercise, I’m going to do what it takes to get healthy.

It’s just a matter of taking care of the body God blessed me with.

Not only that, I’ve been studying up on the Forks Over Knives way of eating for a few months, and I’ve been slowly making changes to my eating habits. I’m not totally there yet, but I’ve been creeping in that direction. Recently, since I already had my dinners delivered, I made the decision to change to a company that offered whole food plant based dinners.

Seriously, delivery dinners have been a life saver in terms of having a decent meal. It’s that crazy at my house. I made a big announcement “Fend for yourselves for dinner, mama is taking care of mama for a change”.

giphy

My son looked at me with total disinterest and my daughter who hates cooking just said “uh, okay”.

Oh goody. I thought I’d get complaints.

4 More Pounds Down. Yea!

One change I’ve made is eating fruit for breakfast. I decided to just go simple, and you know what? That little change recently helped me drop 4 more pounds. I learned this breakfast principle at a detox center I went to years ago in Michigan that followed the Ann Wigmore dietary principles of eating. It’s tough some mornings because of those horrible eating habits and the mentality that if I’m not knee deep in maple syrup, then I haven’t eaten the most important meal of the day.

I’m using Saturday mornings as my prep time for the week to eat healthier. I’m not a vegan, and I refuse to be a junk-food-vegetarian. I still love my occasional catfish and I have absolutely no moral qualms about meat and animals, but health-wise I see the wisdom in staying more plant based.

Happy healthy eating to everyone. Feel free to share your eating journeys in the comments below.

Be Yourself

download 5Life’s journey is not always comfortable. Sometimes it’s challenging to learn about who we are, but it’s one of life’s highest goals.  

 Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote,

“to be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to turn you into someone else is one of life’s greatest accomplishments.”

I’m taking a short break on this blog from talking about dysfunctional religion and the damage it can do to children only for a moment.  I just want to stop and celebrate my journey.  Recently, I got an opening to write a guest post about children in dysfunctional religious homes for the Child-Friendly Faith Project website. This organization works to help children who have suffered religious maltreatment.  I will continue to interview and research this subject and the results I see in my own religious circles.  I am glad that I’m able to help others whatever way  I can with my experience. Continue reading “Be Yourself”

Why Do We Worry?

find great comfort in the scriptures telling me not to worry about my everyday life. What I will eat, wear, or how I will live.

That’s not giving up on life; it’s trusting God with my life.

Most people that believe in God will tell you that there’s no limit to what God can do. He can exceed what we ask him to do. Most people have experienced God working on their behalf. And still, each time, we’ve been pleasantly surprised when God works to the fullest. We testify and shout until the next time God’s divine hand shows itself in a big way in our lives.   That’s us.  We love when God does something great for us and yes, he deserves the praise.giphy

I believe there’s a part of us that often feels unworthy.  So when God does show out on our behalf we’re not only humbled and but also surprised. Think about this:   if we are children of the King and obedient to his will, we have every right to believe he will perform miracles for us. Sometimes after the miracle happens, I will say to myself, “I knew he would,” but it’s those in-between stages before he DOES IT that I often worry. Continue reading “Why Do We Worry?”

God Loves Individuality

Snowflakes, leaves, and stars are all things we can name where billions of them exist but no two are alike.  Our fingerprints are so unique we know that no one on this planet can sign in to work for us based on our fingerprints.  Out of billions of people, they identify us.  So why, when it comes to God and worshipping him,  do we expect God to want everyone to be the same.

csm_individuality_and_collectivity__01_77aa31108aAfter being believing in a conformist type of Christianity for many years, God showed me that there is more freedom in Christ than what we know.  Look at how God created the universe.  Snowflakes, leaves, and stars are all things we can name where billions of them exist but no two are alike.  Our fingerprints are so unique we know that no one on this planet can sign in to work for us because out of billions of people, our fingerprints identify us.  So why, when it comes to God and worshipping him,  do we expect God to only talk to us a certain way or deal with our problems the same as the next guy. God recognizes our uniqueness.  He made us that way.  God looks at us as individual souls, with different understandings and convictions and he works with us on that basis.

Watch my Video on the subject. Continue reading “God Loves Individuality”