Ways to Heal After Leaving

Realize that you are dealing with grief–plain and simple.  Leaving means loss.  Loss of friends, reputation in the community, innocence, community, and definitely time. Don’t minimize the trauma involved in exiting and don’t minimize the loss you feel. 

Here are a few methods to heal from the anxiety of leaving a toxic, high-control fundamentalist group. Remember that spirituality has to be based on our personal relationship and walk with God and not just the practices and performance of a particular religion or even a feeling.

Continue reading “Ways to Heal After Leaving”

Candy Crush and Recovery

Call me crazy, but I was laying in bed and thinking about my recent therapy session and the progress I had made in this particular session. I was so happy, but it was hard work going backward and feeling certain things about incidents that caused shame in my upbringing. As I often do, I was playing Candy crush before I dozed off to sleep, and I noticed the connections between Candy Crush and recovery from dysfunction. Continue reading “Candy Crush and Recovery”

Shedding Perfectionism

As I’m sitting here eating the whole wheat tortilla that tastes like the lotion in my purse, I’m realizing some things.  Success in life is about reaching personal, internal goals, and on our way up that hill, everything is not going to go as planned. Perfection is an illusion. For example, today my usual routine (my planned and perfect routine)  had been filling  my belly up with fruit in the morning. However, having to get my granddaughter to daycare (let’s blame her) and losing track of time (that’s grandma), I rushed out of the house and barely got to work on time. Hence, the lotion infused tortilla. It’s OK though,  that I didn’t do my perfect plan because that’s life.

The more I learn about myself on my healing journey, the more I realize how insidious perfectionist tendencies can be.  

By the way, I am down another 2 lbs. since the last post.  Hooray for me!  Suck on that 56 year old metabolism!

downloadI was at a Toastmasters meeting last night and as I sat in the room, I realized how uncomfortable I felt.  It was not them at all. It was me. I tend to feel uncomfortable in a room full of people but I wondered why? I’m a great one-on-one conversationalist, but small crowds scare me.  Not large ones mind you, because I’ve preached to hundreds of people at a time (so weird how that works) and amazingly it’s easier than the small crowd for me.  The problem is my internal insecurities. It’s all in my head.  Call me crazy, but I keep feeling people are judging my every move in those situations.  Even more so if it’s people I don’t know.  The feeling overwhelms me that I’m going to say the wrong thing, that I won’t be witty enough or that I’ll be judged by something stupid I blurted out. 

download (1)The worst part is that in a smaller group,  I can actually see and feel their reaction.  So, my tendency is just to stay quiet in those situations.  I smile and nod so they won’t notice me too much.  But I want to get better and conquer this part of my life.  I’m adult!  Enough of the high school/elementary school feelings that come flooding back to me.

There’s a portion of the meeting where someone throws out a topic and on the spot a volunteer has to give a 1-2 minute speech on the subject.  So I decided to be brave tonight and get practice doing this. I did OK, but I felt so unsure of myself doing it.  I wouldn’t say I failed, but I just didn’t do as well as I would have liked. I’m sure I was at least average.

So here’s a goal I need to work on: being a better off-the-cuff speaker.  Fear has to go.

I am learning that perfectionism creates fear and fear stops me from growing.

If you don’t acknowledge the need to change, how can you grow and become better? Change takes daily acknowledgement, making intentional statements to yourself and making decisions to DO the actions that will make the change a part of your life.

This is my new quote this week:

The difference between failure and success is not much more than the changes we choose to embrace from one moment to another, one day to another. —therightmessages.com


 

 

Feel free to share your experiences below with public speaking or goals you’re trying to reach–or just maybe you can relate to all this craziness.

 

 

 

 

Me and My Daughter Without Our Church

Sometimes things that may seem small can have huge repercussions. I’ve talked about unsaid messages I received growing up. Now it was my turn to hear my daughter’s struggles. My daughter and I had a necessary conversation recently since we are both in therapy. I approached her with the thought of covering some ground in our relationship. She’s always been feisty (that’s my side of the family) but she had this underlying anger over small things that she didn’t like about herself. She said it was hard to discuss but she wanted to make a first attempt.

Continue reading “Me and My Daughter Without Our Church”

The Things I Allowed.

No matter how badly other people behave, you have to heal by looking at yourself and how YOU are handling their actions.

One of the first questions my therapist asked me was not about my religion but about me.  She was getting me to focus on MYSELF. I had to stop talking about everything wrong in my life.  I am usually very intense about everything, and when I would come, I would talk about all of the weird things that were going on at church and in my life.  Then it finally hit me. I realize that the things that I was complaining about in life were the result of the things I allowed.

No matter how badly other people behave, you have to heal by looking at yourself and how YOU are handling their actions.

Continue reading “The Things I Allowed.”