It’s Between You and God

God held me when I cried and struggled –He understood why.

I gave my life to God with joy and He understood.

I joined a church that seemed filled with love I had never experienced; people that paid attention to you — God took me from an agnostic to a true believer.  God knew what I needed.

God Loves youI lived and believed their doctrine and rules—God understood why.

I got married and raised my children under their strict teaching — and God knew why.

God called me to teach and preach under their banner –and He knew why.

Then one day, I realized the deep flaws in my church, it’s ways of teaching, and the hypocrisy in the way it was held –God understood that and I didn’t.

I was so blinded to these things for so many years —  God knew why.

One day, I had enough.  I asked my Pastor for a sabbatical – -God understood why.

I stopped my church activities, preaching, and positions and struggled with things we were teaching and holding people to live, I ask questions but got no response — God showed me why.

God held me when I cried and struggled –He understood.

jesus lovesI left my beloved church – God knew why.

For a while, after I left, I was just tired of religion and church after 30 years of being the “perfect” Christian –and God understood why.

For a while, I couldn’t bear committing to a church.  I would simply visit, enjoy fellowship, and go home — and God understood why.

I didn’t trust organized religion — and God understood why.

I didn’t trust myself that I would go too far with religion again  – and God understood why.

I was angry at myself, angry at God for not showing me sooner, and angry at lost time – and God understood.

I didn’t feel much like reading my Bible or praying—and God understood.

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The idea of starting a Bible study or recovery group was there and it sounded good, but I wasn’t emotionally ready for that.   God knew that.

I still had a lot to learn– about me — and God knew it.

God has brought me back full circle and ignited my love for him again and showed me how to approach him– the right way this time–He understood when.

He waited on me to recover and re-gain my bearings – He understood how.

God has kept me in love with Him; I’m a real person, a valuable person,  with the heart of a healer, and a wiser person; He showed me who I was and where I’ve been, deepened my relationships, given me true friends and a new zest for life and hope for the future.

He loves me and He understands the whys.

 

 

 

My Personal Revolution

Personal growth is the result of re-evaluation.When you discover a place, a relationship, or a situation that hinders the possibilities in your life, then it’s time to make some moves.  Our lives are meant to be used wisely. 

Personal growth is the result of re-evaluation.  Our heavenly Father is definitely into reviewing things and making alterations based on circumstances.  In the Old Testament, He declared the city of Nineveh null and void until he saw that they repented from the heart.  He changed his mind about them.  Originally, when it was time for Isreal to exit Egypt, God wanted to just use Moses, but because Moses was so insecure about his speaking abilities, he told Moses to take his brother Aaron with him. That was not the first plan. When you think about it, the fall of Adam was not the first plan either, but God made the glorious adjustment. Reexamination can lead to beautiful results. Continue reading “My Personal Revolution”

Who God Wants Me To Be

I am becoming who God wants me to be. The real me. It’s weird that I’m a revelation to my family. They’re telling me I look younger every day. My 21 year old son, who is never the sweet, syrupy type, called to tell me how pretty I looked.

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He liked a pic I posted because he said “it seemed like the real you. It captures your personality”. I can be cheeky and sarcastic sometimes.

Continue reading “Who God Wants Me To Be”

Learning To Breathe As A Christian Parent, Age 0-2 years

Lately, I’ve been trying to educate myself about child development from a secular standpoint. In the beginning, fundamentalist childrearing seems good because the children seem very obedient and controlled. But if the goal is to bring them to Christ, it seems to fall apart around adolescence and young adulthood.

Continue reading “Learning To Breathe As A Christian Parent, Age 0-2 years”

Ways to Heal After Leaving

Realize that you are dealing with grief–plain and simple.  Leaving means loss.  Loss of friends, reputation in the community, innocence, community, and definitely time. Don’t minimize the trauma involved in exiting and don’t minimize the loss you feel. 

Here are a few methods to heal from the anxiety of leaving a toxic, high-control fundamentalist group. Remember that spirituality has to be based on our personal relationship and walk with God and not just the practices and performance of a particular religion or even a feeling.

Continue reading “Ways to Heal After Leaving”