It’s Between You and God

God held me when I cried and struggled –He understood why.

I gave my life to God with joy and He understood.

I joined a church that seemed filled with love I had never experienced; people that paid attention to you — God took me from an agnostic to a true believer.  God knew what I needed.

God Loves youI lived and believed their doctrine and rules—God understood why.

I got married and raised my children under their strict teaching — and God knew why.

God called me to teach and preach under their banner –and He knew why.

Then one day, I realized the deep flaws in my church, it’s ways of teaching, and the hypocrisy in the way it was held –God understood that and I didn’t.

I was so blinded to these things for so many years —  God knew why.

One day, I had enough.  I asked my Pastor for a sabbatical – -God understood why.

I stopped my church activities, preaching, and positions and struggled with things we were teaching and holding people to live, I ask questions but got no response — God showed me why.

God held me when I cried and struggled –He understood.

jesus lovesI left my beloved church – God knew why.

For a while, after I left, I was just tired of religion and church after 30 years of being the “perfect” Christian –and God understood why.

For a while, I couldn’t bear committing to a church.  I would simply visit, enjoy fellowship, and go home — and God understood why.

I didn’t trust organized religion — and God understood why.

I didn’t trust myself that I would go too far with religion again  – and God understood why.

I was angry at myself, angry at God for not showing me sooner, and angry at lost time – and God understood.

I didn’t feel much like reading my Bible or praying—and God understood.

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The idea of starting a Bible study or recovery group was there and it sounded good, but I wasn’t emotionally ready for that.   God knew that.

I still had a lot to learn– about me — and God knew it.

God has brought me back full circle and ignited my love for him again and showed me how to approach him– the right way this time–He understood when.

He waited on me to recover and re-gain my bearings – He understood how.

God has kept me in love with Him; I’m a real person, a valuable person,  with the heart of a healer, and a wiser person; He showed me who I was and where I’ve been, deepened my relationships, given me true friends and a new zest for life and hope for the future.

He loves me and He understands the whys.

 

 

 

My Personal Revolution

Personal growth is the result of re-evaluation.When you discover a place, a relationship, or a situation that hinders the possibilities in your life, then it’s time to make some moves.  Our lives are meant to be used wisely. 

Personal growth is the result of re-evaluation.  Our heavenly Father is definitely into reviewing things and making alterations based on circumstances.  In the Old Testament, He declared the city of Nineveh null and void until he saw that they repented from the heart.  He changed his mind about them.  Originally, when it was time for Isreal to exit Egypt, God wanted to just use Moses, but because Moses was so insecure about his speaking abilities, he told Moses to take his brother Aaron with him. That was not the first plan. When you think about it, the fall of Adam was not the first plan either, but God made the glorious adjustment. Reexamination can lead to beautiful results. Continue reading “My Personal Revolution”

Mindful Eating and the Battle of the Bulge

I’m working on new habits as I focus on my transformation from church zombie (someone that goes to church and doesn’t think for themselves) to a real person.

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All things are lawful for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything.

I Corinthians 6:12 (b)

Eating and food have always been my comfort and my coping mechanism since I was a girl. This is something even Jesus couldn’t shake from me all these years, but now that I’m more focused on me and building who I am, I’m zooming in on bad eating habits. Continue reading “Mindful Eating and the Battle of the Bulge”

Truth Be Told

I’d like to tackle a particular scripture that says  God will not hear the prayer of sinners. Those that take a literalist view of scripture will say that it means what it says without reference to context and the character of God.   One of the greatest detriments to the gospel is teachers that don’t fully explain scriptures but simply repeat them the way they heard them.   There has to come a time when Bible teachers reconcile real Christian life with scriptural fallacies. Continue reading “Truth Be Told”

Healing My Mind

What we mediate on is so important to our mental and emotional health.

I spent so many years thinking about the welfare of my church that now, sometimes, the slightest mention becomes an automatic trigger down a rabbit hole. You don’t grieve over something you didn’t love. Continue reading “Healing My Mind”