Shedding Perfectionism

As I’m sitting here eating the whole wheat tortilla that tastes like the lotion in my purse, I’m realizing some things.  Success in life is about reaching personal, internal goals, and on our way up that hill, everything is not going to go as planned. Perfection is an illusion. For example, today my usual routine (my planned and perfect routine)  had been filling  my belly up with fruit in the morning. However, having to get my granddaughter to daycare (let’s blame her) and losing track of time (that’s grandma), I rushed out of the house and barely got to work on time. Hence, the lotion infused tortilla. It’s OK though,  that I didn’t do my perfect plan because that’s life.

The more I learn about myself on my healing journey, the more I realize how insidious perfectionist tendencies can be.  

By the way, I am down another 2 lbs. since the last post.  Hooray for me!  Suck on that 56 year old metabolism!

downloadI was at a Toastmasters meeting last night and as I sat in the room, I realized how uncomfortable I felt.  It was not them at all. It was me. I tend to feel uncomfortable in a room full of people but I wondered why? I’m a great one-on-one conversationalist, but small crowds scare me.  Not large ones mind you, because I’ve preached to hundreds of people at a time (so weird how that works) and amazingly it’s easier than the small crowd for me.  The problem is my internal insecurities. It’s all in my head.  Call me crazy, but I keep feeling people are judging my every move in those situations.  Even more so if it’s people I don’t know.  The feeling overwhelms me that I’m going to say the wrong thing, that I won’t be witty enough or that I’ll be judged by something stupid I blurted out. 

download (1)The worst part is that in a smaller group,  I can actually see and feel their reaction.  So, my tendency is just to stay quiet in those situations.  I smile and nod so they won’t notice me too much.  But I want to get better and conquer this part of my life.  I’m adult!  Enough of the high school/elementary school feelings that come flooding back to me.

There’s a portion of the meeting where someone throws out a topic and on the spot a volunteer has to give a 1-2 minute speech on the subject.  So I decided to be brave tonight and get practice doing this. I did OK, but I felt so unsure of myself doing it.  I wouldn’t say I failed, but I just didn’t do as well as I would have liked. I’m sure I was at least average.

So here’s a goal I need to work on: being a better off-the-cuff speaker.  Fear has to go.

I am learning that perfectionism creates fear and fear stops me from growing.

If you don’t acknowledge the need to change, how can you grow and become better? Change takes daily acknowledgement, making intentional statements to yourself and making decisions to DO the actions that will make the change a part of your life.

This is my new quote this week:

The difference between failure and success is not much more than the changes we choose to embrace from one moment to another, one day to another. —therightmessages.com


 

 

Feel free to share your experiences below with public speaking or goals you’re trying to reach–or just maybe you can relate to all this craziness.

 

 

 

 

The Inspiration of Number 22

It’s amazing how inspiration can be found in the strangest places. Last week was my first week of healthy eating in months. It felt strange, and my body was like “heeyyyy!” but I was feeling pretty proud of myself. My 23-year-old daughter was on this quest with me. I had to slap brownie bites out of my daughter’s hand, but she was thankful and has been feeling better. Here’s the rundown of benefits, my foot pain has diminished, my energy is better, I sleep like a baby at night because my body is not trying to digest tons of food, and I’m more rested when I wake up. I used to sleep and still feel tired after waking up, and I was waking up all weird hours of the night. Because of my recent fall, I’m having trouble with my knee, but that’ll work itself out. Continue reading “The Inspiration of Number 22”

This is the Year of Possibilities

It’s a new year with new possibilities! I’m trying to get in better health this year. I did okay (for me anyway) last year and lost 25 lbs and have kept it off. I have so many joint and back issues, that I’m limited in exercise options. To make things worse I had the weirdest fall 2 months ago and injured my shoulder. But I’m reminded of people that have been in worse condition and retrieved their health. Obviously, I’m not going to be one of those people that are trying to run a marathon in the spring. Running was never a great thing for me. But swimming? Hey, I can do that. In fact, my doctor recommended swimming because of my muscle and joint problems.

Running and I don’t mix.

download (1) Continue reading “This is the Year of Possibilities”