It’s Between You and God

God held me when I cried and struggled –He understood why.

I gave my life to God with joy and He understood.

I joined a church that seemed filled with love I had never experienced; people that paid attention to you — God took me from an agnostic to a true believer.  God knew what I needed.

God Loves youI lived and believed their doctrine and rules—God understood why.

I got married and raised my children under their strict teaching — and God knew why.

God called me to teach and preach under their banner –and He knew why.

Then one day, I realized the deep flaws in my church, it’s ways of teaching, and the hypocrisy in the way it was held –God understood that and I didn’t.

I was so blinded to these things for so many years —  God knew why.

One day, I had enough.  I asked my Pastor for a sabbatical – -God understood why.

I stopped my church activities, preaching, and positions and struggled with things we were teaching and holding people to live, I ask questions but got no response — God showed me why.

God held me when I cried and struggled –He understood.

jesus lovesI left my beloved church – God knew why.

For a while, after I left, I was just tired of religion and church after 30 years of being the “perfect” Christian –and God understood why.

For a while, I couldn’t bear committing to a church.  I would simply visit, enjoy fellowship, and go home — and God understood why.

I didn’t trust organized religion — and God understood why.

I didn’t trust myself that I would go too far with religion again  – and God understood why.

I was angry at myself, angry at God for not showing me sooner, and angry at lost time – and God understood.

I didn’t feel much like reading my Bible or praying—and God understood.

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The idea of starting a Bible study or recovery group was there and it sounded good, but I wasn’t emotionally ready for that.   God knew that.

I still had a lot to learn– about me — and God knew it.

God has brought me back full circle and ignited my love for him again and showed me how to approach him– the right way this time–He understood when.

He waited on me to recover and re-gain my bearings – He understood how.

God has kept me in love with Him; I’m a real person, a valuable person,  with the heart of a healer, and a wiser person; He showed me who I was and where I’ve been, deepened my relationships, given me true friends and a new zest for life and hope for the future.

He loves me and He understands the whys.

 

 

 

My Personal Revolution

Personal growth is the result of re-evaluation.When you discover a place, a relationship, or a situation that hinders the possibilities in your life, then it’s time to make some moves.  Our lives are meant to be used wisely. 

Personal growth is the result of re-evaluation.  Our heavenly Father is definitely into reviewing things and making alterations based on circumstances.  In the Old Testament, He declared the city of Nineveh null and void until he saw that they repented from the heart.  He changed his mind about them.  Originally, when it was time for Isreal to exit Egypt, God wanted to just use Moses, but because Moses was so insecure about his speaking abilities, he told Moses to take his brother Aaron with him. That was not the first plan. When you think about it, the fall of Adam was not the first plan either, but God made the glorious adjustment. Reexamination can lead to beautiful results. Continue reading “My Personal Revolution”

Coming to Realizations

I’m realizing more and more that our backgrounds don’t have to dictate our outcome. I preached a message recently that called for a lot of self-examination on my part called, “What is your Name?” The idea was that Jacob had inherited so many bad traits from his mother’s side of the family, that he seemed doomed to be a conniving thief most of his life. God in his mercy did not leave Jacob with bad character. God made Jacob face himself and his deficiencies, and Jacob was humble enough to do the work necessary to change his name from Jacob “supplanter” to Isreal.”God has prevailed”.

Man-Praying-600x399Bad things happen to good people.  If you have any experience in life, you know that you can try your hardest to do things right and still make a mess. It took me a long time to learn that even though honesty is the best policy, life will still throw you a mud pie or two. Right now I’m on vacation and my kids are in the next room playing video games.  Like most parents I’m wondering how long I should let them play while I enjoy the freedom of being alone.  That’s the pretend game most parents play.  “How are you all doing in there?!”, we dutifully yell out to them.   “Fine”, they holler back;  and as long as the house isn’t burning down, we have glorious, to die for, alone time.

I’ll tell you more about my journey, but for now, let’s just say that after being lied to and used for the first half of my life, I’m in a good place for self-awareness.  I know what it feels like to make big mistakes and I know what it feels like to recover. In this blog, I plan to offer words,and thoughts of encouragement for those going through troubling times in their life. Everyone needs encouragement.  Sometimes just bible quotes and short thoughts, and sometimes I’ll write on life lessons.

I got saved (Born Again) in 1982.  So its been 33 years.   It is, absolutely,  the best thing that’s ever happened to me.  The second best thing is my husband and third my children.  The order of the second and the third gets mixed up though, depending on what drama is going on that particular day; but I love my family, and I love my walk with Christ.

I started this blog, because I wrote a book, ” How to Walk on Water: A Christian’s Survival Guide for Going Through Trials.   A long title, but accurate, nevertheless.  I take a deep look at the areas Christians struggle to maintain while they’re going through difficult times.  Many of us Christians forget that when we give our heart and life to God, he doesn’t send trouble to hurt us.  God is trying to make us better, deeper,  and closer to Him.  After many years of counseling other Christians, I wanted to write a book where a person could pick any chapter and receive something to meditate on and receive encouragement.  For many years I labored under the fallacy that once a person gets saved, God’s power and love fixes everything.  But I’ve come to realize, that this simply puts you in the Colosseum to fight the beasts, it doesn’t make them disappear.  In the end though, I’d rather have problems with God on my side, than have those same problems, and nowhere to turn.

I’m realizing more and more that our backgrounds don’t have to dictate our outcome. I preached a message recently that called for a lot of self-examination on my part called, “What is your Name?”  The idea was that Jacob had inherited so many bad traits from his mother’s side of the family, that he seemed doomed to be a conniving thief most of his life. God in his mercy did not leave Jacob with bad character. God made Jacob face himself and his deficiencies, and Jacob was humble enough to do the work necessary to change his name from Jacob “supplanter” to Isreal.”God has prevailed”.   God changed Jacob’s heart and his thinking.  While meditating on this message, God revealed to me my own inherited traits, and what I needed to do.  I was letting parts of my background dictate my outcome. I was allowing my weaknesses and low self-worth to dictate my life, and what God means for me to become. Even though I survived spiritual abuse, I had internalized the subtle put-downs, the cold-shouldered neglect, and the jealousies.  My husband always quoted Les Brown to me and said, ” “Honey, don’t let someone else’s opinion of you become your reality.” After years of him quoting this to me, I am finally getting his drift.  These are realizations I am holding near and dear to my heart at this point in my life and I’m finally getting the courage to ignore the noise and focus on God’s will, and it’s beautiful thing to be free.